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Harrys perspektiv.

Vi gick långsamt på gatan inne i London. Fans kom fram och berättade hur mycket dom älskade oss och one direction, men vi orkade inte engagera oss. VI var inte one direction längre, vi var halva. En stor del av oss hade försvunnit med Liam och nu var Zayn borta också. Jag suckade.

- We're just as broken as Liam was. Do you even think this will work out? Niall kollade försiktigt på oss. Jag ryckte på axlarna. 
- It's been three days Niall. 
- But Zayn's punishment is for two years. 
- And Liam will be away forever. Jag suckade.
- He's still here. In our hearts. Louis tog mig försiktigt i handen.
- I just want to read his letter. But we can't do it without Zayn. Louis röst lät trött. 
- When was the visitor time?
- Tomorrow. It feels like a lifetime. Niall kollade sorgset på oss. Do you want to go in there? Han pekade på ett litet kafé som låg på kanten av gatan vi gick på. Jag kollade försiktigt på Louis. Orkade han? 
Louis nickade. Jag andades ut.

Kafét var litet och det fanns endast några få soffgruppen. Vi satte oss längst in i hörnet precis brevid hörnet. Louis drack försiktigt av hans té. Niall kollade sammanbitet på oss. 
- What's wrong Niall? Louis kollade oroligt på honom. Niall suckade.
- I'm just thinking. About us.
- What about us? Jag kollade frågande på honom.
- Everything. What's going to happen to us.
- Niall, things will never be as it was before. Jag kände hur mina ögon tårades.
- I know. And i just want to know what's going to happen to us, when you're having a baby. 
- We can't decide anything without Zayn. He's still a part of the band, right? Louis kollade sammanbitet på oss.
- But what do you want Niall? Jag kollade frågande på honom.
- It's not about what i want, it's about what you want. Because if you don't want to, i'm nothing. I love this world, i still wants to be a part of it. Because i don't have anything outside this world, i don't have a beautiful life with someone i love to go back to. I really do understand if you don't want to keep this going. But i'm going to keep fighting for this.
- Niall, i'm so sorry. But we're never going to be a band again. Because we're broken, we've been split to diffrent pieces. Liam's in heaven, Zayn's in jail and here we are. 
- I just don't want to forget. Niall snyftade till.
- Forget what? Jag flyttade mig lite närmare honom och strök honom över armen.

- About you. About Liam, everything. Are you ready to just let this go away? Like letting go? Don't you remember what Liam wanted us to do? Are you ready to let this go, all the fans, the music and the tours? 
- But we're not a band anymore Niall. Not without Liam and Zayn. Because One Direction is us, together, right? Jag kollade Niall i ögonen. Hans ögon var röda och jag såg hur han försökte hålla gråten inne när han pratade.
- I don't want you to forget about me.
- We'll never forget you Niall. You're our bestfriend, we're never letting you go. You'll always be a big part of our lifes. But maybe we won't be together as much as before. Louis strök försiktigt Niall över handen.
- But it matters to me. I don't want to do this alone, i can't fight alone. I'm never going to be anything without you. Några tårar droppade ner i Nialls knä. Jag såg hur hans händer darrade när han lyfte dom för att ta sitt glas.
- You're not going to do this alone Niall. There's milions of people out there who wants you to be happy. You have fans, Niall. They're doing anything to make you notice. Don't you think they want you to be happy? Don't you think they're going to help you with this?
- It's like you've already decided. Niall snyftade.
- We can't decide anything without Zayn. Jag suckade.
- Forget about Zayn! Niall började tappa kontrollen. It's about us, Zayn is arrested. He's in jail Harry, he'll be out in two years. TWO YEARS. Are we just going to sit here, waiting for him to get out of jail? 
- You just said it Niall. This is the reason we're talking about, we can't make it without Zayn and Liam. We're just pieces trying to build up what once was. Jag kände hur Niall började skaka brevid mig.
- But you're still have eachother. I'm alone. 
- You're not alone Niall. We'll always be here for you. 
Niall ställde sig hastigt upp.
- You've promised Liam we would fight for him. You broke that, are you going to break this promise to? Because i don't want to. I really think we could work this out, together. We're still here, are we just going to give up? Because i don't want to. I want to be with you, and i want to keep this tour going. I don't want to give up. Niall tog sig snabbt ut från soffan där vi satt. Jag försökte ta tag i hans hand och få honom att stanna men han slet sig loss. 
- Talk to me when you have something to say. Tell me when you know how you want to do. I just want to be alone for some hours and think, about us. Niall gick med snabba steg ut från kafét. Vi kollade efter honom då han började springa nerför gatan. Några fans började springa efter och jag såg hur Niall tog på sig sin luvtröja för att skydda sig. Jag suckade.

- I don't want to hurt him,Louis. Jag kände hur gråten pressade på inom mig. Jag lutade snabbt ansiktet i händerna för att dölja mina tårar. Louis tog försiktigt tag i mina händer och höll om mig.
- Harry, he's going to understand. He's just sad right now, i'm sad to. It's not just us, it's everyone.Han nickade försiktigt ut mot gatan där några fotografer stod och höll i sina kameror. They want to know Harry. Everyone wants to know. The fans are waiting for us to have our comeback tour. 
- Do they even believe that? Don't they understand, that we'll never be One Direction anymore. We can't replace Liam and Zayn. Zayn will be out of jail in two years, it's a long time. Ofcourse we can wait for him. But we can't do anything by the time he's in jail. We can't replace two people in our band.They're not just people, they're One Direction. They're a part of us, a family. Niall doesn't understand that. But i do Louis. Things will never be the same again.
- Ofcourse they're not going to be the same Harry. We'll need to make Niall understand that it's just a break. I'm ready to give it a chance again with Zayn, after having a break. 
- But two years is a long time Louis. Things will change, we'll change and our life will not be the same again.
- But you don't want to Harry, is that what you're trying to say? Because you can say that.
- I don't want to hurt Niall.
- Ofcourse you're going to hurt him Harry. But it's not your fault. Thing have gone really really wrong for us, maybe we're not made for be this big. Niall would make it alone, don't you think? He's upset right now Harry, and i understand it. I never thought we'll be talking about this, but it is what it is. Sometimes you'll just have to move on.
- I don't want to decide anything without Zayn. 
- You don't have to decide anything right now Harry.
- I don't want to let the fans down either. Jag kämpade för att inte darra på rösten.
- They'll understand. Ofcourse they're going to be really sad Harry, But they'll have to live with that. And maybe, everyhing will be just fine. We need to talk to Zayn first. Maybe he has an idea, maybe we'll work this out. I don't know how it is, but i'm sure Zayn still can help us. With the songs and everything. 
Jag nickade långsamt. 
- We'll just wait and see. Jag försökte le mot Louis men det blev mest en grimas. We'll talk to him tomorrow. Jag hoppade till när min mobil började vibrera. Av alla dåliga samtal jag tagit emot under de senaste månaderna kunde jag inte undgå att vara lite nervös när jag plockade upp mobilen. Dolt nummer, som vanligt.
- Hello?
-  it's time Harry.
- Time for what?
- The baby. Sophie is bad and we're going to do the operation now.