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Harrys perspektiv.

Dagarna efter Liams begravning var som en dimma. Tidningarna skrev om Joes självmord och vi fick svara på hundratals frågor om hans död. Allting var i en stor enda röra och vi höll på att långsamt brytas ner av pressen och sorgen som hängde på våra axlar. På grund av Sophie hade vi bestämt oss för att stanna i London några veckor till. Hon var fortfarande en stor del av oss, men den största anledningen var för hennes kontakt med Liam. Han hade velat att vi skulle ta hand om Sophie vilket vi skule göra.
Louis kollade upp på mig med sina trötta ögon. Vi satt i soffan i vårat hotellrum på samma hotell som Joe hade bott på. De senaste dagarna hade vi spenderat inomhus och inte gjort någonting. Vi svarade bara på samtal från sjukhuset och våra nära och kära, men ingen annan. Jag strök honom försiktigt över handen. Den var torr och skrovlig. 
- What shall we do? 
- I don't know. Jag ryckte frånvarande på axlarna. Min blick var fokuserad på papperna från sjukhuset som låg på skrivbordet några meter bort. 
- What are you thinking about Harry? Louis tog försiktigt min hand och lutade sig emot mig. 
- Liam. Sophie. The baby. Jag lutade mig mot honom.
- What about the baby Harry?
- I don't know. 
- Harry, talk to me. 
Jag suckade.
- I'm just thinking about what will happen with the baby. Liam wanted us to take it, right? 
- Harry, it's your decision. I really think Liam will be with you anyway. He won't blame you if you don't want to take the baby.

- But i think i want to take the baby,Louis. You know that we'll never have a child if we don't take this chance, right? I'm worried about what's going to the baby if we don't do this.
Louis nickade långsamt.
- I've thought about it to. You know what i want to do. But it's your decicion in the end Harry.
Jag blinkade några gånger.
- It's just feels so wrong Louis. Liam is dead, and we're sitting here and talking about a baby.
- I don't think Liam want us to be sad Harry. He always wanted us to be happy, right? Don't you think he's smiling up there. He would love seeing us with a baby Harry, i really think so. Louis fick tårar i ögonen. Jag böjde mig försiktigt fram och strök honom under ögonen. Han kollade mig djupt i ögonen. 
- But do you think it'll work? With the tours and everything?
- Harry, do you want me to tell the truth?
Jag nickade försiktigt.
- I don't think there's going to be any tour. Can you think about having a tour without Liam? Because i can't. I don't know about Zayn and Niall but. I don't think there's going to be a tour right now.
- So, you think Liam wants us to have a baby, but you don't think that he wants us to keep the tour going? Jag kollade Louis förbryllat i ögonen.
- Ofcourse i think he wants us to. But he also wants us to be happy, right? I'm not saying that it's sure that we're not going to keep the tour, but maybe not right now. Louis strök mig försiktigt över håret. Jag visste inte vad jag skulle säga.

- But Harry, you want to know something? I'm sure Sophie wants you to take the baby to. Because she won't survive this, she's only keeping the baby alive. They can't do anything about her. But do you want her to live this world without leaving a wonderful baby to you? She loved you Harry, but she's not here. And she'll never be here again, i'm so sorry but this is life. People come and go and we can't do a thing about it.

- But i could. Jag kände hur de dumma tårarna började rinna nerför mina kinder. I never had to use her as a beard, we could have done this to Joe a long time ago, right? I never had to break her heart, i never had to leave her. I never had to make her pregnant Louis, but i did. And it killed Liam and it's killing her to. I don't even think she can hear me.
- Harry, i know you didn't had to. But you did it because you thought it was the right thing to do. You'll make a lot of bad decicions in the future, i promise. But you didn't kill them Harry. You didn't break her. Because you know what? This is so hard to say but.. Louis avbröt sig.
- What? jag kollade frågande på honom. 
- She.. She'll die believing that you still love her. It's hard to tell you Harry, but she will. And she'll met Liam up there, and he'll take care of her. He'll tell her in a nice way, don't you think? Because Liam loved her. And he still does. I'm sure that he'll make her understad. 
- But Joe told me she already knew.
- Do you really believe in Joe? Did say anything good during these years? No Harry, no. I know what he would say about this baby, he would say no. But do you know something? Joe isn't here anymore. You don't have think about him anymore Harry, because he'll never be here again, i promise.
- But what do you think Niall and Zayn would say about the baby? 
- They would be the best uncles in the world, don't you think that? Louis log mot mig med trötta ögon. Jag strök försiktigt över hans hår.
- Are you sure?
- I'm sure Harry. Everything will be okey in the end. 
- I want to do it Louis. Jag kände hur mina ögon tårades. I want to take the baby. Louis kollade på mig med tårar i ögonen innan han snabbt böjde sig fram och kramade mig. Han höll sina händer hårt mot min rygg och jag kände hur han började skaka.
- What is it Louis?
- I'm happy. Han lutade sig tillbaka och kollade på mig med tårdränkta ögon. But i'm sad too Harry. 
- I'm sad to, Louis. I think we'll always be sad about Liam. 
- It's like his here. Everywhere. His clothes, his bed, his smell, his number, everything. I can't go anywhere without anything reminds me of him. 
- Louis, you need to think about the good things to. Liam helped us with so much, remember that. 
- I'm thinking about the fans to. They're so sad. I can't get on twitter because everything they says just makes me cry. They're worried about us. They don't want us to be sad and i'm trying to not but i really can't.
- Louis, remember who made the name "Larry Stylinson". Our fans, right? Haven't you read all the fanfics, they want us to come out. Not everyone, but many of them. They would be so happy about this, don't you think? Ofcourse they'll never forget about Liam, but we won't either. But Liam wants us to be happy. He wants the fans to be happy to. Jag försökte le men mina tårar tryckte på. It's so hard to remember the good things and it's so easy to remember Liam in the hospital. 
- You're right Harry. He wants us to be happy. I don't know if a baby will makes us happy, but he'll keep the baby safe. He'll keep us safe Harry. And Niall and Zayn, and all the fans out there. He's with everyone, everywhere. 
- We couldn't save him Louis. Because he was already lost. We couldn't to anything. It's really hard to think about, but we couldn't. It could have been you, it could have been me. It could have been anyone. People are dying out there everywhere, but that doesn't make it not okey to cry. 
- Harry. Louis röst fick mina tårar att rinna ännu mer. De droppade ner på mina ljusa byxor. Louis strök mig försiktigt på kinderna för att torka bort min tårar. 
- We can't save Sophie either. But we can leave a piece of her in this world. It's going to be hard Harry, to loose her to. But you're strong Harry, i know that.

- But it's not sure the baby will survive either.

- But it could, right? 

Jag nickade långsamt.

- she and Liam will always be there for you Harry. For us.
- I guess she wouldn't leave us without checking on the baby. Jag försökte le mot Louis. Hans leende var trött och hans ögon rödgråtna men han log försiktigt tillbaka.

- Our baby.